you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
