So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
