you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
