So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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