Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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