Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
