We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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