haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They took my balls.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
