ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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