walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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