Taylor Swift is so right about you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
