Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
