Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize