dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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