Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
