I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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