Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
