I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
