Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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