I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
