Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet he comes in French.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
