I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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