the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize