I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
