is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sober January is a disaster.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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