I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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