Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
