I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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