We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
