areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize