How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
