Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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