We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
