your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will pee on everything he values.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
