i jhust puked up my retainher.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
