It's Friday. Sex?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
