Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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