this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize