ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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