Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
