...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
