At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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