Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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