i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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