You just made me feel so damn special
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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