a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
