somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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