just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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