we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
