U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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