what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
