dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize