Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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