My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
