My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
