Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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