well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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