I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So. Much. Porn.
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