no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
