He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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