your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
