I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
