I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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