She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
