i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize