ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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