i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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